A Guide To Alternative Sex Toys (Kinky Toys Explained)

Whether you like being controlled, being in control or even both at a given situation or mood, chances are that you may find one or more toys from the BDSM world and bondage gear an exciting thing to try.

Kinky or alternative sex toys are great tools to use when exploring all the tantalizing sensations of sex. And you bet they are a lot different than your mainstream Sunday evening vibrator.

People who practice kinky sex are exceptionally fond of using alternative sex toys, as it typically describes the personality of the excitement while venturing into a new experience.

Kinky sex includes the practice of bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism (BDSM), fantasy, roleplaying, fetishes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, and group sex.

While it can be an exceptionally fun and exciting thing to try, kinky sex can help you feel better and psychologically relieved, according to this 2013 study that explores the benefits of kinky sex.

They found that both dominant and submissive practitioners of BDSM were less neurotic, more extroverted, open to new experiences, more conscientious, and even less rejection-sensitive.

So, in the name of making new and pleasurable experiences, we created a simple guide to alternative sex toys that will help you have a clear understanding of the function and usage of the kinky toys explained below.

Additionally, don’t forget that consent is crucial for all partners before engaging in any kind of sexual play, be it vanilla or our personally preferred kinky style.

Let’s get started…

Bondage & Restraints

handcuffs in bdsm sex toys

Bondage and BDSM restraints are probably the most likely form of kinky play, most people have tried in the bedroom. This involves physically restraining a person with devices as a key part of the experience.

It is sort of a mild, and pretty basic play that is easy enough to do in a matter of seconds with the most basic home tools, but others may prefer trying out many different toys with the goal of finding the perfect bondage style.

It is always a good idea to take your time and explore what you like and dislike from the many shapes, sizes, and forms available.

And remember not to forget that safe word.


kinky sexy handcuffs

Handcuffs are a great way to explore bondage restraints for beginners as well as experts.

They come in a variety of materials and styles, so if this makes you uncomfortable or even scares you a little, but the curiosity is still present, there’s nothing to worry about.

It’s really not necessary at all to walk away with bruised wrists (unless that’s what you’re into, of course). However, if metal makes you uneasy, you can always discuss other options with your partner

Soft silicone, silk, and fur are great for beginners.

Neoprene and cloth-like materials are budget-friendly, while leather restraints may cost more but will last years.

Moreover, if you are a beginner it would be of best practice to play around with the restraints on your own before using them with a partner so that you become familiar with how they feel and function.

A few places you can handcuff your partner or have them handcuff you can include a bedpost, a table or a stairway.

Communication & Safety

Reassure your partner by talking to them throughout the process and make sure they do the same. This allows them and yourself to express any concerns and settle any nerves both of you may have.

Make sure that the restraints are not tied too tightly as this can cut off blood circulation.

Rope Bondage

Bondage ropes are versatile, fun, and a great way to experience restraint play.

There is a wide range of creative ways to utilize a rope and this can even be turned to be an art form as long as you are dealing with a creative mind.

Bondage ropes can be combined and introduced to a vanilla play or a rather extreme BDSM play and you will soon find there’s just something special in the practice of freedom reducing.

There are various types of rope bondage and some of the more popular are hemp, nylon, silk, polyester, and bamboo.

If you are a beginner and fairly inexperienced (we weren’t born knowing all) nylon would be a great material to start as it is quite affordable, smooth, and it cannot be tied too tightly.

You should still be cautious and not pull the rope too fast on the skin because it can burn very easily. Hemp has a rougher texture, but it doesn’t burn, which is another great option for a beginner as well as experts.

Unlike handcuffs, ropes can be used to tie up and restraint all parts of the body. It can also be used to create a harness-like design to accentuate the beauty of the body in a creative way.

Communication & Safety

The best idea of safety when experimenting with rope bondage as a beginner is to keep a pair of sheards available nearby, in case you or your partner wants to be cut loose quickly.

Communicate with your partner if the rope is too tight at any point or is cutting off circulation. Experiencing a tingling or prickling sensation is the first sign for disrupted circulation, so never try to ignore it.

Spreader Bars

spreader bars for kinky sex

A spreader bar is a type of sex toy that keeps the legs and arms parted with a rigid central bar and cuffs at each end. The bar disables the wearer from closing their arms and legs and allows full access to the body.

While it can be used during bondage play as a form of restraint, this type of toy can also enhance the position as it leaves the restrained wearer completely exposed and vulnerable to their partner’s touch.

This can be ultimately fulfilling and incredibly arousing with a trusted partner and it can go as far as your creative mind goes.

A good practice for beginners would be to keep the arms in front as this position gives you the feeling of restraint and submission with virtually no discomfort as long as you remain still.

However, if you are feeling a bit more adventurous but are still in the beginning stage of bondage play you can go as far as placing your hands behind your back and simply feel the pinch of the unknown.

If you get your kinks from standing with your arms behind and trapped in a spreader bar, spice up this position with a pair of nipple clamps.

Communication & Safety

Safewords and communication are essential in any bondage play.

Making sure that both parties are perfectly fine with what the next step is crucial as well making sure that the wearer isn’t losing feeling in any area of the body.

Drugs and alcohol do not mix with this kind of play.

Collar & Leash

Collars and leashes are bondage restraint toys typically used during a very particular scenario in BDSM – pet play. Pet play enthusiasts gain arousal from roleplaying as animal and owner.

A collar or leash often carries some symbolic weight and usually represents the wearer’s identity as a submissive and/or owned pet/person, however, it can be imbued with whatever meaning by the wearer.

The submissive wears a collar often paired with a leash as a decorative piece displaying that they are “owned” by the dominant during the play.

Pet play can also involve costuming and props such as food bowls and typically entails some kind of power exchange.

A simple collar is highly recommended if you are a beginner so you can test your comfort and find out what you like safely.

However, there are a variety of collars and leashes to choose from.

Communication & Safety

When using a collar and leash make sure it fits comfortably. Check to see if the wearer can breathe and swallow and never pull too sharply or suddenly as this could cause injury.


blindfold in bdsm

Blindfolds are a form of bondage restraint that temporarily remove the wearer’s ability to see.

By removing the most important sense, this practice can increase physical arousal and sexual anticipation and make the wearer more responsive to elements of surprise.

Additionally, it’s an excellent practice for exploring sexuality and improve confidence and comfort if the wearer is naturally shy.

Blindfolds come in a variety of sizes, designs, and colors, and this is the most affordable toy that can offer the most sensual experience to the wearer and their dominant partner.

Communication & Safety

Consent is important and extreme elements of surprise are rarely appreciated if the wearer is a beginner. Always communicate with your partner by guiding them into the next step.


gag balls kinky alt sex toys

Gags are often used during submissive and dominant scenarios. It can create an intense experience between partners that allows the submissive partner/the wearer to be silenced of muffled while feeling mental and physical arousal.

They are made out of different materials and if you are a beginner, try looking into a gag which is made from pliable materials, such as soft silicone.

Consider gags that have holes in, allowing you to breathe from both your nose and mouth while wearing it.

Communication & Safety

When using a gag, it is crucial to establish a safety signal. 

Make sure to coordinate a recognizable and clear tap, noise, or tune to hum.

The wearer should communicate with their partner beforehand about the tightness and secureness of the gag, and make sure that they are comfortable, having fun, and enjoying the gadget.

Discipline/Domination/Impact Play

alternative sex toy guide

The toys used for “impact” play are meant to inflict pain on the receiver and give power to the giver.

The pain can range anywhere from very mild that can be described as teasing with the intention to provoke sexual arousal or it can stretch to extreme pain intended for discipline training and punishment.

Impact play mainly produces two types of sensations. These can be stings and thuds.

A sting is a strike felt at the level of the skin and is usually produced by a thinner impact material, while a thud is felt deeper into the muscle and is caused by a heavier object.


Whips are designed to inflict pain and instil fear on the receiver, whether it’s used for intimidating, discipline training, or strike their skin in order to make them feel pain.

These are high-intensity toys that can increase pleasure and excitement during sex when used with experience and practice.

Single tail whips are considered a form of edge play, which can be inherently riskier and can be placed in the category of extreme BDSM.

They can wrap around the body and create a sharp sensation.


sex whips

Floggers are slightly different from whips because they are thicker and have multiple tails called falls attached to a handle. They require experience and a lot of pillow practice until you set your motions and strokes right.

This is purely because the tails are made out of thick material that causes hard and precise hits that contain more mass and can produce a more intense and undesired sensation if used incorrectly.

Higher intensity floggers have long and thin tails made of stiff material and should only be used by experienced users.

Mini floggers are made of soft materials and while beginners may experiment with this type of floggers, they should always proceed with caution.


sex paddle

Paddles have a larger surface area, so they are considered as a sex toy that can impact low-intensity pain and can also be great for a beginner.

They are the perfect spanking tool to create a “thuddy” sensation rather than stings.

When using a paddle in a play it is best to aim for the lower and fattier part of the butt cheek rather than aiming for bony areas like the tailbone or back that can cause an undesirable sensation and serious damage.

A traditional BDSM paddle has leather on one side and soft faux fur on the other, intended for alternating sensation or working up from the low-intensity fur to higher-intensity leather side.


bdsm bamboo canes

Canes are a very high-intensity toy that used and intended to cause a strong stinging sensation. Canes are long and rigid and come in a range of flexibility.

Canes can be made from nay different materials, including woods, plastics, or semi-flexible material. Caning involves striking the receiver with a cane, usually across fleshy areas of the body such as the behind and backs of the thighs.

Caning is also popular across the bottoms of the feet in a punishment intended play.

Communication & Safety

Impact play that involves using whips flogs paddles and canes have the potential to be very painful and go too far for the receiver. Caution and safe words are of utmost importance and should never be neglected during this play.

The receiver should never be pushed to take more than they can as not everyone’s pain threshold is the same and you may be hitting harder than you think.

S&M Toys (Sadomasochism)

Sadomasochism is defined as the giving or receiving sexual pleasure or enhancing sexual arousal from acts that involve receiving or inflicting pain and/or humiliation.

While the terms sadist and masochist refer respectively to one who enjoys giving and receiving pain, practitioners of this form of BDSM may switch between activity and passivity.

Sadomasochistic activities are often initiated at the request or benefit of the masochist, who often directs activities through subtle emotional cues.

Consensual sadomasochism should not be confused with acts of pure sexual aggression.

While sadomasochists seek out pain and humiliation during the play, they do not do so in other situations and dislike simple, and uncalled for acts of violence or any sort of abuse.

Consent is freely given permission that falls at the heart of kinky games, especially the ones that involve inflicting or receiving any kind of pain.

A safeword is a pre-negotiated word that either party can use to pause, check-in, or end the scene or play and it is the second thing to discuss after consent is given.

Hoods & Masks

Bondage masks much as above-mentioned blindfolds are commonly used in BDSM plays.

They can be made from different materials such as leather, rubber, silicone, lycra or neoprene, and these will differ in terms of feel and fit.

Each material and product differs in terms of what features it provides or denies the wearer. For example, a cotton mask may feel more comfortable and less restrictive than a latex mask or a hood with no holes except for the nose.

Hoods can be a step further in bondage masks. A hood provides more sensory deprivation than a mask, but the wearer should always have space to breathe, hence the nose opening or mouth opening on latex hoods.

However, blackout hood masks deprive all the senses and are made out of a lightweight material that allows the wearer to breathe.

This allows for increased stimulation and sexual anticipation and often makes the wearer more responsive to touch.

Communication & Safety

It’s advised that beginners should start venturing into this practice with less confining masks such as eye masks or blindfolds or less impaired hoods.

Communication is crucial for both beginners and more experienced users, it’s vital to distinguish between when your partner is roleplaying pleasurable discomfort and identify true discomfort as well as quickly put a stop to any displeasure.

Nipple Clamps

Nipples are a powerful erogenous zone and they deserve plenty of attention during sex. However, many people enjoy receiving a painful stimulation for sexual arousal and/or pleasure.

Nipple clamps are small devices used to inflict an intense pinching feeling and restrict blood flow which can provide a painful and pleasurable experience for the wearer.

The nipples become even more sensitive when the clamps are removed after some time and the area is reintroduced to normal blood flow.

There are gentler clamps where you can adjust the tightness.

For example, alligator clamps are little spring clamps with screws to adjust the pressure of the squeeze, which is an excellent option for a beginner venturing into nipple play.

Communication & Safety

Always test the squeeze of the clamps before starting a play to ensure that the receiver/wearer is comfortable with the pinching sensation they provide.

It is advisable not to use nipple clamps combined with bondage or gags if you are a beginner, as this makes it difficult to establish a safe word or a safe signal.

Avoid pulling the chain sharply and suddenly, as this can lead to an undesired sensation and bruising.

Communicate with your partner prior and during the play as the pinching sensation can often quickly become strong and overwhelming and they may need to be removed immediately.

Chastity Belts

Chastity Belts

The locked-up nature makes chastity belts perfect for orgasm control/denial and is used to prevent the wearer from engaging in sexual intercourse without the permission of the dominant, who acts as a “keyholder”.

A chastity belt will also prevent other sexual activity such as masturbation and oral sex involving the wearer’s genitals, making them highly sexually aroused for a long period of time without the possibility of release.

Chastity belts can be used to deprive the wearer of their sexuality for a certain period of time which can be short-term or long-term arrangement and gives the dominant the key to their pleasure – quite literally.

That usually means that the submissive/wearer has to ask the dominant partner for any sort of release, which can result in a fun and arousing play of begging and humiliation.

Communication & Safety

A chastity cage or belt must be properly sized, fitted and adjusted in order to be secure, serve the purpose and not damage the genitals in the process.

Communication and consent are important. Always make sure you check on the wearer and allow them the chance to express if they are feeling discomfort.

It is easy and extremely dangerous to get carried away during this type of practice as this is not a device that is meant to inflict physical pain on the wearer but can still lead to discomfort.

Establish a clear safe word before locking the wearer and always keep multiple spare keys in case of an emergency during a long-term caging arrangement.

your guide to alternative sex toys

Final Thoughts

The first most important thing to always keep in mind and demand before using any of the alternative sex toys listed above is consent.

Consent must be given continually throughout the duration of the encounter in order for all parties to experience pleasure, excitement, and enjoyment.

One way to do this is to plan beforehand and establish the scenario. The next step is always to be repeated, especially when there’s giving/receiving of physical pain involved.

Secondly, you need a safe word. Even if you think you don’t – you do. This makes life easier and can stop any discomfort felt throughout the play.

Sex is always best when all parties are enjoying themselves, and alternative sex toys are a great way to make the experience more fun and pleasurable.

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