Bondage For Beginners (BDSM Guide For Newbs)

Whether you like being controlled, being in control or both at any given situation or mood, chances are that you may find one or more toys from the BDSM world and bondage gear an exciting thing to try.

Kinky sex includes the practice of bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism (BDSM), fantasy, roleplaying, fetishes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, and group sex.

If you are particularly drawn to and want to explore the enticing big of this list, I am more than happy to teach you all you need to know about it, therefore I created this guide on bondage for beginners so you can learn about the things you need to pay attention to before starting out.

So keep on reading cause this article is going to teach you all you need to know about:

  • What is bondage sex?
  • Why are people into bondage sex?
  • 3 things to remember while engaged in bondage sex.
  • 3 bondage sex toys you will need to get started.
  • 3 best online sex stores for BDSM supplies.

So let’s get you started on this exciting journey.

What Is Bondage Sex?

bondage for beginners

The practice of bondage involves physically restraining a person by using adequate devices and tools or psychologically restraining them with commands as a part of sexual experience.

While many believe that bondage is sort of a mild and pretty basic play that is easy enough to master in a matter of seconds, this type of kink-play actually belongs to a category of more elaborate activities that require lots of communication, negotiation, and practice before it takes place.

There are many ways to explore bondage.

Bondage is mostly associated with activities such as impact play, however, this particular play doesn’t have to be painful at all.

The bondage itself does not necessarily imply sadomasochism and can be used as an end in itself as in the case of breast bondage for example, or it may be used in conjunction with other BDSM activities to deliver powerful sensations.

The good thing about it is that the thrill is actually psychological, which makes bondage sessions a sensory delight.

Meaning one partner can tie up the other, blindfold them, and focus on doing something totally painless like using a feather to tickle the nipples or other sensitive areas on the body in order to stimulate a reaction while the partner that is tied up is deprived of their senses.

Bondage, like any other dominant/submissive plays, causes the levels of oxytocin, endorphin, and adrenaline to run high which may require adequate aftercare after the session.

Why Are People Into Bondage?

bondage bdsm guide for beginners

Many couples incorporate bondage into their sex lives, often sporadically but sometimes more regularly, and find sexual bondage to be relationship affirming.

Bedroom bondage games may be used for sexual arousal or as a form of foreplay that requires and implies a level of trust and a surrender of control by the restrained to the active partner.

The restrained partner (submissive) surrenders control to the other partner (dominant). This surrender of control happens voluntarily and under mutual understanding and consent.

So why are people into bondage so much? Let’s take a look at a few possible psychological explanations on why in the world would you want to be tied up in the first place.

Submissive partners crave security.

Unlike other kinks, bondage inherently promotes a feeling of safety and security.

Some people explain the sensation of being restrained as a gentle hug like a lover’s embrace creating a feeling that is secure and comforting.

Bondage and submission are naturally complementary. Being tied and helpless at the hands of the dominant adds a certain edge to the play and it is highly symbolic of submission.

The sense of being made to feel exposed and available creates a certain feeling of openness and liberation of your own body.

Dominant partners crave control.

Dominant partners, on the other hand, describe it as a feeling of power and control over their submissive partner and this allows them to impose certain rules and structure on others.

Another very common thing is the feeling of “ownership” dominants love expressing over their submissive partner as well as having them exposed for the taking at their own will.

Erotic effects.

The ropes can be used to cover the whole spectrum from pleasure to pain. They can be used to caress, during tying or untying, especially when they are drawn across the skin or the sensitive areas of the body.

Breast and genital bondage can increase sensitivity by pulling the skin tight. It also tends to present the target of your attention quite conveniently.

Feeling of order and discipline.

People who are attracted to BDSM tend to have a high need for orderliness and have a fond appreciation of rules and boundaries.

Subs often prefer to have discipline and order provided for them, while dominants take pleasure in structuring the rules and command the submissive has to follow in order to feel accomplished in a way.

Change of power dynamics.

People who are attracted to BDSM tend to enjoy exploring roles that are the complete opposite of their day-to-day life roles.

For example, those who are accustomed to ordering people around may be attracted to taking up the submissive role at the end of an exhausting day.

Or someone who may be bearing the brunt of huge work overload, commands, and a bad attitude at work may be highly attracted to assuming the role of a dominant and being the one in control after a long day of taking orders.

Talk about a hot escape right there, huh? 

3 Things To Remember While Engaged In Bondage Sex

things to remember while in bondage play

Before anyone gets tied up, you and your partner need to have a negotiation about what exactly is going to happen.

Here are a few things to pay attention to while discussing your bondage session:

Consent.

Consent is un-coerced, non-pressured, freely given permission.

It’s not that you just say yes to bondage and that this will mean you will be saying yes to everything that happens once the session starts.

There are multiple things both partners have to consent to. You should pay attention to the following:

  • Determine who is going to be dominant or submissive.
  • Determine whether you want to experience some sort of physical pain in order to gain erotic pleasure.
  • Discuss the methods of delivering the pain (for example whips, paddles, clippers, hair pulling, slapping…)
  • Talk about the intensity of the sensation delivered.

Safewords.

A safeword is a pre-negotiated word that either party can use to pause, check-in, or end the scene or play.

It is most commonly used by the submissive partner in a situation of discomfort and it is incredibly important to come up with a safeword before starting the play.

The most common safewords are the actual word “safeword” or the color system:

  • green – don’t stop
  • yellow – pause and check-in
  • red – stop, now. 

However, you can always come up with something unique on your own.

Monitoring and communication.

However, don’t assume that after receiving consent from both sides and establishing your safewords you can just jump into it without paying attention to nothing but your own pleasure.

Monitoring and communication are of foremost importance all the way throughout the play session so get used to communicating with your partner.

If you are dominant it is important to check in with your submissive partner every once in a while as they can feel where the ropes are and what they are doing better than you.

They will be able to feel if something is slipped or is about to.

If you are on the submissive end, it is important to give feedback and reassure your dominant partner that you are enjoying the play.

Communicating to stop or prevent such a thing can be the difference between a safe session or a possible serious injury.

3 Bondage Sex Toys You Will Need To Get Started

So let’s take a look at the three most important gadgets you need as a beginner in bondage:

Blindfolds.

blindfold in bdsm

Blindfolds are a form of bondage restraint that temporarily deprive the wearer’s of their most important sense – their ability to see.

This practice can increase physical arousal and build sexual anticipation, making the wearer more responsive to elements of surprise.

Blindfolds come in a variety of sizes, designs, and colours, and this is the most affordable toy that can offer the most sensual experience to the wearer and their dominant partner.

Handcuffs.

kinky sexy handcuffs

Handcuffs are a great way to explore bondage restraints for beginners as well as experts.

They come in a variety of materials and styles, so if this makes you uncomfortable or even scares you a little, but the curiosity is still present, there’s nothing to worry about.

It’s really not necessary at all to walk away with bruised wrists (unless that’s what you’re into, of course). However, if metal makes you uneasy, you can always discuss other options with your partner

Soft silicone, silk, and fur are great for beginners.

Handcuffs are also very practical and you can use this fun toy to handcuff your partner or have them handcuff you on a bedpost, stairway, a table, etc…

Rope.

alternative sex toy guide

These are versatile, fun, and a great tool to experience restraint play while using your creativity.

You can use them in a wide range of creative ways and this can even be turned to be an art form as long as you are dealing with a creative mind.

There are various types of ropes and some of the more popular are hemp, nylon, silk, polyester, and bamboo.

However, if you are a beginner and fairly inexperienced, nylon would be a great material to start with as they tend to be most affordable, smooth, and it cannot be tied too tightly.

3 Best Online Sex Stores For BDSM Supplies

kink sex store

If you made it all the way down here, I am assuming you are pretty stoked on trying out bondage to spice up your love life.

Can’t blame you, it’s pretty awesome.

I have a few favourite online stores where you can find all sorts of goodies to match your tastes. Go ahead and take a look at the following websites:

#1 Rekink

Rekink is an excellent online store where you can find bondage, vibrators and all things BDSM. They also offer free shipping if your order exceeds $99.

#2 The Kinkstore 

It is very easy to get lost in this website and I mean that in all seriousness. They offer all sorts of things you have never even dreamed could possibly exist and they are all neatly sorted in categories that you can explore.

They also offer free shipping if your order exceeds $69 and they guarantee discreet billing and package of your toys.

#3 Sub-Shop

Enter the world of BDSM through this seemingly innocent website. Once you start digging deeper you will absolutely have the most difficult time to stop and I mean it in a good way.

The Sub-Shop ships throughout the US and worldwide and they generously offer free shipping if your order exceeds $95.

You will be receiving your beloved toy discreetly packed in no time.

Final Thoughts.

So there you have it, folks.

I’ve been wanting to create this guide for quite some time now and it is finally here. I really enjoyed writing and sharing all I know in this guide on bondage for beginners.

I hope you enjoyed reading and it helped you learn a bit more on how to start your BDSM journey.

If you really want to get into it and explore even further into these waters, make sure to check out my other guide to alternative sex toys by clicking here.

I would love to hear if you have previously experimented with bondage, so don’t forget to let me know in the comments below.

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