We’ve all thought about it at some point in our lives. Be it out of convenience, curiosity, or simply not having access to sex toys, using vegetables for sexual pleasure is something that has crossed everyone’s mind.
However, while some vegetables make for better sex toys than others, there are still a few things to know if you decide to experiment with something like this.
Therefore, in this article, I will give you my recommendations of the best vegetables you can use as a dildo and also provide some useful tips on how to stay safe while doing so and minimize the risk of unwanted effects and discomfort.
The most obvious choice for a makeshift vegetable sex toy is cucumber. Long, girthy, yet sleek, this vegetable resembles most generic dildos sold on the market and can definitely be put to more than one use.
However, although the safest choice and likely the best one to provide sexual pleasure due to its build, you still have to be careful when using a cucumber as a sex toy.
Cucumbers, like every other vegetable, can become contaminated by bacterial pathogens during production, harvest, post-harvest handling, processing, packaging, and distribution, which is why it’s essential to take necessary hygienic precautions when using them, as this will minimize the risk of potential diseases.
Additionally, cucumbers come in all sizes, so it might be better to opt for a smaller or thinner one to avoid potential tearing and discomfort.
Carrots are another popular option for a makeshift vegetable sex toy due to their shape, width, and size. Excellent for vaginal and anal pleasure, the tip of this vegetable will tickle your insides in all the right ways.
However, and similarly to what I said about cucumbers, carrots grow in the ground, so cleaning them properly before use is a must, as this will help you avoid potential pathogens that can lead to pH imbalances and bacterial or fungal infections.
You probably already knew a banana would be on this list because this thing literally looks like a penis, minus the veins.
Its smooth and curvy build can definitely help hit all the right spots, and it can even bring you to a G-spot orgasm, making it a good option for those who have never experienced one but desperately want to.
However, a banana’s tip is actually very harsh, which could irritate the soft and delicate skin on the inside, so trimming or shaving it might be a good idea before using it as a sex toy.
Zucchini is basically a girthier version of a cucumber, and as such, it’s one of the most popular options for a sex toy. It’s also smoother than a cucumber, which is why it’s generally a better option if you want that smooth glide rather than texture.
However, when first trying out a zucchini as a sex toy, it’s best to start with the slimmer end of it, as the wider part can cause discomfort.
Eggplants, or the dick emoji, are definitely one of the most sexualized vegetables in horny chats; however, if you really want to use one for masturbation, it’s best to opt for its thinner cousin, the Japanese eggplant.
Japanese eggplants are thinner, longer, and sometimes curvier than standard eggplants, so you will likely have more fun with this one instead.
However, make sure to peel the stem off before using an eggplant as a sex toy, and always start with the slimmer end.
Corn is pure heaven for texture lovers. So, if you want a makeshift sex toy with a good size, decent girth, and all the textures you could imagine, opt for this starchy vegetable during your next masturbation session.
However, although definitely pleasant, corn kernels can fall off the cob and end up inside you, so it’s always a good idea to use one or even two condoms to prevent this from happening.
Certain pepper types, such as anaheim and banana pepper, can be a couple of great options for a makeshift vegetable sex toy.
They come in all shapes and sizes, and some of them have a pointy end that will tickle your insides and give you all kinds of sensations.
However, always double-check if the peppers you plan on using as a dildo are mild or sweet, as putting anything like hot peppers anywhere near your sensitive bits could cause burns and severe pains due to capsaicin, the main substance that gives hot peppers their spice, and a potent irritant for humans.
How to Use Vegetables as Dildos Safely?
Using vegetables as dildos is a topic people are generally divided on. There are those that claim some vegetables make for great sex toys, while others advise against this practice.
And while both groups are correct, the truth is always somewhere in the middle.
Generally, you can use some vegetables as sex toys; however, this doesn’t mean you can buy them and shove them inside you without adequate preparation.
Doing this could potentially result in some unwanted effects, including stinging, burning, tearing, discomfort, and even infections due to the bacteria that reside on vegetables.
On the other hand, it’s always better to use a good-quality sex toy because they are made with body-safe materials like silicone that’s easy to clean and maintain and provides a good sensation.
However, be it curiosity or simply the inability to get your hands on an actual sex toy, vegetables simply have to do it in certain situations.
Which is why, below, I will share a few tips on how to use vegetables as sex toys safely and minimize the risk of unwanted effects and discomfort.
Clean the Vegetable
As mentioned above, vegetables are often exposed to various bacteria and contaminants during production, harvest, handling, processing, packaging, and distribution, which is why thoroughly cleaning the vegetable before inserting it inside you is of utmost importance.
Many of these bacteria are pathogenic and could cause issues like pH imbalances, overgrowth, and infections.
Therefore, before using any vegetable as a sex toy, thoroughly wash it in warm water and a little soap. Rinse thoroughly and make sure no soap residue is left on the vegetable before proceeding.
Most vegetables mentioned on this list have enough length and girth to cause serious damage, so preparation before inserting any of these inside you is important.
Start by warming yourself up. Apply a little bit of lube and get into the mood by touching your sensitive areas. This will help you relax and have a more enjoyable experience.
Lastly, before starting your masturbation session with a vegetable, make sure to use a condom, as shoving raw vegetables inside you is never a good idea.
Some might have unexpected ridges, kernels, or rough and spiky vine leftovers on them (like eggplant), so you want to make sure none of these end up inside you.
Additionally, even after washing, some bacteria might still linger on the veg, so you want to prevent the risk of infections by placing a barrier between your skin and the source of bacteria.
Take it Easy
Using vegetable dildos is definitely not a guarantee of a happy ending.
Yes, it might sound exciting, and you might’ve heard people doing it and having insane orgasms, but it doesn’t mean it will work for everyone.
Which is why you should take it easy when using any vegetable as a sex toy, especially larger or thicker ones like eggplants and zucchini.
Take your time exploring this but don’t place too much thought on experiencing an orgasm at all costs.
Make this experience about the journey and not the destination, as this is something that can help you relax and actually enjoy the process.
Additionally, if you start feeling discomfort, or the vegetable you chose isn’t doing it for some reason, listen to your body and take a break. You can always try another time with a different option and have much more fun that way.
When your playtime is over, as always, you need to pay attention to aftercare. Having a good shower is recommended, as this is how you will remove any potential residue from any part of the vegetable of your body.
Additionally, give the vegetable a good scrub, either with a bit of soap or just warm water. If you’ve used a condom, the vegetable will likely still be good to consume, so you don’t have to throw it in the trash unless you’re too icky to eat it, in which case using vegetables as a sex toy is probably not the best idea, as wasting food is something we should all do less of.