For many people, anal sex is a taboo and a limit they won’t cross.
There is something innately dirty and intimidating about anal sex, which turns a lot of people off when it comes to doing it.
That + the fact that if you don’t do it right, it can be extremely uncomfortable.
But, if you are on the giving end, I’m pretty sure you are more than happy to give anal a try.
So, how do you broach the subject and ask your wife to try anal sex?
The easy answer? Politely.
The longer answer is by building up comfort around the subject and respecting your wife’s desires and potential discomforts.
So, here are a few things to consider when asking your wife to try anal.
Read The Room
When wanting to bring up the topic of trying anal sex, one of the most important things to do is read the room first.
For example, don’t whine about it while in bed; broach the subject at another time.
The two of you are having sex, it’s going really well, you’re super turned on, and you’re thinking…
“Now is the perfect time for me to ask her to have anal sex.”
That’s your hormones talking, so just ignore that and keep having the traditional form of sex you are engaged in.
Remember that anal sex is a big deal, and it does require a level of preparation, so springing the question on her while you are both enjoying yourselves could potentially cut that pleasure short and put both of you in an uncomfortable situation.
This request could make your wife feel obligated or pressured to say yes even if she isn’t 100% on board, and that’s just not fair.
Or, on the other hand, she may reject you, and then you will end up feeling bad and bummed out.
So if anal sex is something you know you’d like to try, talk to your wife about it outside of the bedroom but always make sure to read the room first.
Avoid talking about this while your wife is cooking, cleaning, doing some chores that require her to be hyper-focused, or just finished a long day at the office and she seems pretty stressed.
Instead, try to bring up the subject when both of you are relaxing in the living room, reading, watching a movie, and don’t have things to do or places to be anytime soon.
Make it Sound Sexy
When bringing up the subject of anal sex to your wife, a good place to start is by offering her a foot massage or a shoulder rub while relaxing in the living room and get her to forget about everything outside of that room for a moment.
Then, you can start by giving her gentle kisses on the temple, cheek, neck, and ask her how she feels about having a sexy playtime in a very particular manner.
You can whisper sexy things in her ear and tell her that you want to have her in a certain position and a certain way.
If you think that dirty talk is something you can’t pull off but would like to learn how to do it, I go in-depth on this subject in my eBook on “How To Dominate Your Wife in Bed.”
Remember that you don’t need to go over the top with complicated words and phrases, and you actually want to keep things simple but efficient.
You just need to learn how to do it, and my book can help you with that.
Don’t Make Her Feel Like She Doesn’t Have a Choice
“Don’t force it” isn’t just a great rule for anal sex overall, but it’s a great rule when it comes to dealing with how your wife responds to you asking for anal sex.
Now, if your wife says “no” and you’re fine with that and are willing to give her some more time and ask her again in the future, that’s good.
However, don’t make your wife feel like she doesn’t have a choice or that rejecting you will somehow make you unhappy with her.
Many times, what happens is that women will agree to have anal with their husbands out of concern that saying no will somehow disappoint them.
However, this isn’t a part of a healthy romantic relationship and can be categorized as pressuring behavior.
So, even if your wife says yes to trying anal for the first time, make sure that she is 100% on board and that she is excited to try it and isn’t only doing it for you.
I’m sure you want your wife to enjoy this experience too, because it will definitely bring you even more pleasure, so make sure to double or even triple check.
Suggest Toys, Aids and Warm-Up Tools
Some things are a must when trying anal sex, and others aren’t necessary, but they can help elevate the entire experience.
For example, one of the absolute musts is a lube. Don’t even think of trying anal without a lube because it will be a painful experience for both of you, not just for your wife as the receiver.
The other example of things that aren’t necessary but are good to have is sex toys and warm-up tools.
Therefore, if your wife is on the fence about trying anal sex, a good thing to do is to offer to explore with partnered anal play or help her shop for an item that she likes, like a butt plug or an anal dildo that she can use to get comfortable with the sensation.
CBD lubes, for example, can be a great warm-up product that will help your wife relax physically and psychologically and lead you to an enjoyable experience.
You can also see my recommendations for the best lubes for anal sex here.
Respect Her Response
Anal isn’t for everyone. No matter how keen you are or how hard you coax, your wife may never be into it.
However, consider that she may object for any number of reasons.
Maybe she’s squeamish about cleanliness or worried it would hurt. Perhaps she had a bad experience with anal in the past. To determine the right route — if any — to her rear, try to figure out why anal sex turns her off by inviting her to have an honest conversation about it.
If she’s afraid of getting dirty, invite her to take a nice, steamy shower or bath with you first. Or, if she prefers to prepare herself privately, give her the privacy that she needs.
Is she afraid of pain? If so, it’s not unwarranted.
If not done correctly or carefully, anal sex can be extremely uncomfortable. The “receiving end” must be relaxed. The sphincter instinctually tenses up if its owner is uncomfortable or nervous, making penetration more difficult for you and much more painful for her.
If she’s open to trying, be sure to start with lots of foreplay, doing all the things that normally get her excited.
For example, while making out with each other, you might want to rub your finger against her butthole, massaging it lightly. You don’t want to put your finger inside (unless she says it’s okay.)
This might warm her up to the idea of anal sex a little bit.
Ask her if it’s okay to slip a finger inside her, but make sure that it is very lubed up beforehand and that you have your nails cut very short (and ideally filed smooth). The last thing you want is to put a finger in her butt completely dry or scratch and pinch her with a long or sharp nail.
If your wife has tried anal before and it didn’t go well, invite her to talk about the experience. You both need to know what didn’t work.
Reassure her that this time would be different because you will know the things she doesn’t like and you can avoid doing them.
And — this is important! — make sure that she knows you will stop at any point if she asks.
Ask Her to be Open to Reconsidering Your Offer in The Future
Bottom line: Begin with a conversation. Do what you can to make her feel comfortable and not pressured. You’re more likely to reach your end goal if she feels safe and relaxed, and the experience would be much more enjoyable for both of you.
You will also need to prepare yourself for your wife to say no to your request because so many women do. Remember that boundaries are sacred and require respect.
Sometimes despite your best efforts, you will get rejected. This doesn’t mean that you should completely give up on getting your wife to try anal, though.
You don’t want to make her feel like you are pressuring her into it, but you also don’t want to just give up entirely. It is important that you wait a little bit and then bring up the subject again later on in the future.
An even more mature thing to do is to ask her to be open to reconsidering your offer in the future or to at least be open to having the conversation about trying anal again.
Don’t let her shut you off so easily because this would be unfair from her side. The way you are willing to respect her boundaries, she must be willing to work on expanding them and working on giving you something that really means to you.
Don’t turn this into an argument, but rather be mature about it and let your wife know how much this means to you and how much you want to try anal with her.